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For years, Disney-owned ABC News has had a pervasive right-wing bias. But, that has failed to satisfied Disney. Now they are imposing their extremely right-wing ideology on ABC's entertainment division, spending tens of millions of dollars on the mocku/crocku/propagandadrama, “The Path to 9/11.” They use massive historical distortions and omissions to try to distract attention from the Bush administration's failure to even make a serious effort to prevent the 911 attacks, despite numerous warnings.

This has gotten me to thinking, what would happen if Disney's upper-management people imposed their fringe-right politics on their cartoon universe.

THE NEW DISNEY CARTOON PANTHEON:

ANN COULTER MOUSE:
Forget the charming and cute Mickey, this new mouse has an attitude. When "Mouskateers" dare to express moderate or liberal points of view, Ann Coulter Mouse calls them harpies and accuses them of wanting their parents dead. This new Disney icon also prides herself on calling moderate and liberal children Islamofascists and telling them that their parents would like to put them up for adoption, but can't find anyone who wants them.

MUSLIM MOUSE:
Minnie's replacement, like all believers in Islam, is a villain in the Brave New Disney World. Muslim Mouse refuses to accept Jesus Christ as the Son of God and One True Savior. Muslim Mouse also refuses to make falafels for Bill O'Reilly (documentation).

SNOW WHITE:
Disney will keep the name, but change her costume into white robes and a dunce cap, KKK style. Her dialog will be adapted to primarily include slurs involving other cartoon characters' ethnicities, sexual orientations, and gender identities.

CINDERELLA:
Once again, the name remains the same. However, Cinderella now is a conniving, social-climber who doesn't know that she shouldn't socialize with her betters. The good Prince has her beheaded after accusing her of stealing a rich girl's slippers.

TASTI:
Tasti will replace the cloying Bambi. Tasti will mock politically-correct people who object to hunting. Tasti then will be shot. Disney was considering incorporating Tasti Shooting Ranges into its theme parks, but their legal department nixed the plan on the grounds of liability concerns. Damned Lawyers!

DONALD RUMSFELD:
Who needs a cartoon duck when you have an animated version of Donald Rumsfeld? The new Donald is even more bellicose than the old, and what he says is even less intelligible.

THE GHOST OF VINCE FOSTER:
The Fantasia Ghosts will be replaced by an ethereal fictionalization of Vince Foster. This ghost will tell the kiddies all the bad, bad things the Clintons have done.

THE PERFECT KING:
The Lion King will be replaced by the Perfect King, W the First. The Perfect King will never admit to mistakes and will call anyone who misunderestimates him a terrorist.

DUMBO:
Dumbo will keep the name, but will morph into a donkey. He will keep repeating things conservatives wish Democrats would say (e.g. “I want to give welfare to terrorists.”). Republicans may not be able to win arguments with actual Democrats, but they always will have the intellectual upper-hand with Dumbo.

OLD YELLOW:
The pooch will be replaced by an aging chickenhawk who will tell other people they are cowards if they don't support the war in Iraq. The chickenhawk will be safely past draft age.

7 comments

  1. Anonymous Says:
  2. Fortunately Disney is a huge company and many components have expressed liberal values--including in cartoons. Disney is far more often attacked by right wingers than the left.

    You might be interested in considering that Disney is often credited for being the first to have a gay couple as supporting "actors" in an animated feature with Timon and Pumbaa in The Lion King.

     
  3. Anonymous Says:
  4. Well said ron. The owner of this site has selective amnesia. He starts with a proposition that ABC has a hsitorical right-wing bent and expects us to take that as truth. I wanted to stop reading after this first sentence, but kept on reading for the same reason I can't take my eyes from a car wreck -- it's entertaing in its gruesomeness.

    I've bookmarked this site so I can get a good laugh every now and then

     
  5. Anonymous Says:
  6. scary... but true:

    Things You Have to Believe to be a US Republican Today
    (the 'new world order' mind-set of prez cheney and hand puppet bush ... )

    Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary.

    Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

    Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

    The United States should get out of the United Nations and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

    A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

    The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

    If condoms are kep t out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

    A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

    Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

    Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

    A president lying about an extra-marital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

    Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

    The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

    Being a drug ad dict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

    What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant.

     
  7. libhom Says:
  8. Actually, Disney has a very homophobic history. They were the last major studio to have domestic partnership benefits, and then only because they had to worry about talented people switching jobs to their competitors.

    The whole notion of Disney being "liberal" is a delusional fantasy of the Christian Right. It is right up there with the notion that flouridated water is a communist plot.

     
  9. Anonymous Says:
  10. And so, the answer to the cook Right is to become the cook Left -- brilliant.

    I don't deny the existence of the cook Right, it just cracks me up that people think this justiies being just as looney on the other side.

     
  11. libhom Says:
  12. What do you have against cooks? Did you have a bad experience in a restaurant?

     
  13. Anonymous Says:
  14. lol: Now that's funny.

     

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