(with apologies to no one)

Verse 1:
It's the most horrible time of the year.
With families fighting and siblings yelling that
“His toy cost more!”
It's the most annoying time of the year.

Verse 2:
It's the crap-crapiest time of the year.
With O'Reilly yapping and parents a-snapping,
When mobs hit the mall,
It's the crud-crudiest time of the year.

Bridge:
There'll be wrists that get slashed up, some rivers for drowning,
and some will have pills in big gulps.
There'll be hospital visits and tragic demises,
and some will slide off of the road.

Verse3:
It's the most horrible time of the year.
There'll by panic shopping, and jaws will be dropping,
when in-laws are near.
It's most depressing time of the year.