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A Day in the Life of a Typical Wall St. Exec or Broker

Posted by libhom Saturday, September 27, 2008

Wall St. firms try to create this image of solidity and rectitude. However, having lived in NYC for a while, this is the image I have gotten of these people.

7:00-8:00 AM
Arrive at office. Eat free breakfast provided by employer. Skim quickly over financial sites.

8:00-10:00 AM
Snort coke and masturbate to Internet porn.

10:00 AM - 12:00 Noon
Make sales calls (broker). Attend meeting (executive).

12:00 Noon - 2:00 PM
Have long lunch with several alcoholic beverages with Wall St. colleagues.

2:00 - 4:00 PM
Snort coke and masturbate to Internet porn. Make an occasional trade to look busy. Fill out form to get reimbursed for lunch.

4:00 PM - 5:00 PM
Make sales calls (broker). Attend meeting (executive).

5:00 - 7:00 PM
Snort coke and masturbate to Internet porn. Take short breaks to eat free food provided by employer.

7:00 PM - 8:00 PM
Sober up somewhat on train to suburbs.

As you might guess, I'm not too shocked that so many investment banks and brokerage firms are in trouble.



  1. Unknown Says:
  2. So you have decided in these uncertain times to invest in comedy gold! Do you mind if I post that up at mine?

  3. Anonymous Says:
  4. Cocaine and internet porn. At least we know where all those billions went.

  5. DivaJood Says:
  6. Wow. I didn't know that they worked so hard in between coke and masterbation!

  7. libhom Says:
  8. rickb: Sure, go right ahead.

    ron: A gang of monkeys would have done about as well with running our financial system.

    diva: They had to at least look busy.

  9. Christopher Says:

    This is a riot!

  11. GDAEman Says:
  12. And at the Interior Department Office in Denver that oversees royalties they snort coke and have live sex. That's one more piece of evidence that helps prove the private sector is more efficient (real sex is a lot less efficient than a quickie with porn).

  13. GDAEman Says:
  14. Oops. That's Oil extraction royalties I'm referring to in the previous post.

  15. Anonymous Says:
  16. Wait, coke and masturbation--I WANT that job!



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